Today marked 5 months on the long, long wait.
We have been in process since January 2011, with things to do and stuff and so on ... and we had a bumpy road to the actual waiting yet here we are.
5 months.
We went to our first support group session last week, and it was good. It did not makes things better or easier, but it was good. It was good to meet other people and forge connections. It was good to talk to people that got it from the inside. And then, there was a moment where you wondered, will they get theirs first? It is a terrible feeling, but a real one.
I have been facing a lot of jealous feelings lately ... go figure. I am trying to cut myself some slack as many of you have told me; it is not like I am on an easy street over here! But, alas, I am trying to find some positiveness.
Something they told us in the session was to make sure our friends, family, and everyone we know knows that we are adopting! I cannot imagine that you don't... but just in case, we are =)
They have told us it is usually a connection of a connection that brings a baby home ... so at this point we are wanting to make sure all of you know we are in this, we are home study approved and ready to go! If you have any questions about us or our situation, we are an open book and all you have to do is ask.
xoxo.
Wednesday
A little self promotion ...
Here are the links to our online profile as well as the video of our life on YouTube! Take a look and let us know what you think, and feel free to share this and pass it along!!
xoxo,
The Pea Pod
Monday
While we wait ...
While we wait,
Our hearts fill--
and our hearts break.
We have waited so long for you to come home,
There is relief in knowing
You cannot feel alone.
You are not here to feel this wait,
it is only our hearts that break.
Anticipation is a difficult walk
you are forced to be happy when your not
required to have hopeful talks
expected to be excited when you are simply sad
Riding the ups and downs of happy to mad.
But you, little one, are worth the wait
you are worth the tears, the smiles, and it all for Goodness sake!
You are going to come in on a breezy day
and change every little thing about our ways.
Until then, hold on for us to be near,
It cannot be long now, my dear.
Hear mommy and daddy when we say-
You are the reason we can get through these days.
Our hearts fill--
and our hearts break.
We have waited so long for you to come home,
There is relief in knowing
You cannot feel alone.
You are not here to feel this wait,
it is only our hearts that break.
Anticipation is a difficult walk
you are forced to be happy when your not
required to have hopeful talks
expected to be excited when you are simply sad
Riding the ups and downs of happy to mad.
But you, little one, are worth the wait
you are worth the tears, the smiles, and it all for Goodness sake!
You are going to come in on a breezy day
and change every little thing about our ways.
Until then, hold on for us to be near,
It cannot be long now, my dear.
Hear mommy and daddy when we say-
You are the reason we can get through these days.
This just about says it all right now ....
I saw this quote on Pintrest and sketched it into my own journal as a deal with the pain of loss and the struggle of waiting. Ironic to be longing for my mom and to be a mom in the same breath.
Thursday
Sweet Success and Great Pain.
As you can see by our beautiful thermometer ... we have reached our goal! Through living on a tight budget, awesome friends and family responding to our fundraisers, and the grace of God we have the money we need. I remember about a year or so ago many people telling us "don't let the money scare you, it will come." It seemed so ridiculous at the time ... what do you mean it will COME?! Don't you know it doesn't grow on trees?! Well, now I can say to other people as well, "don't let the money scare you, it will come."
That was the sweet success.
Sadly, there has been little joy in this great accomplishment. Do not get me wrong, we are relieved ... but our lives have been destroyed. My beautiful, young, amazing, and unbelievably strong Mom passed away 8 weeks ago tomorrow. I cannot even believe I have to say that sentence or that this has happened. I have spent all of my life with a great fear of death and loosing someone despite my relationship with God, and here I and my family are faced with it head on.
To say this has destroyed me is a total understatement ... but to say it has forced me to be stronger than I ever imagined is, too. I am stronger, because I have her living inside me. I have her courage, her power, and her abilities radiating from me and I know this because believe me, they were not in me 8 weeks ago.
The Pea Pod is cracked, damaged, shaken, but not destroyed. She will not allow us to be. She is right there with God at this moment, knowing the past, the present and the future of this whole story. She is holding me tightly and will never ever leave me. My relationship with God is healing ... I feel the anger and hate (sorry to be so real) dissolving and the hope and strength rising.
Please pray with the whole Pea Pod Gang (Kristin, Chad, Greg, Sean, Kirsten, & Andrew) that we find peace, light, love, and joy ... and that our littlest pea get here quickly.
A few pictures for you ...
That was the sweet success.
Sadly, there has been little joy in this great accomplishment. Do not get me wrong, we are relieved ... but our lives have been destroyed. My beautiful, young, amazing, and unbelievably strong Mom passed away 8 weeks ago tomorrow. I cannot even believe I have to say that sentence or that this has happened. I have spent all of my life with a great fear of death and loosing someone despite my relationship with God, and here I and my family are faced with it head on.
To say this has destroyed me is a total understatement ... but to say it has forced me to be stronger than I ever imagined is, too. I am stronger, because I have her living inside me. I have her courage, her power, and her abilities radiating from me and I know this because believe me, they were not in me 8 weeks ago.
The Pea Pod is cracked, damaged, shaken, but not destroyed. She will not allow us to be. She is right there with God at this moment, knowing the past, the present and the future of this whole story. She is holding me tightly and will never ever leave me. My relationship with God is healing ... I feel the anger and hate (sorry to be so real) dissolving and the hope and strength rising.
Please pray with the whole Pea Pod Gang (Kristin, Chad, Greg, Sean, Kirsten, & Andrew) that we find peace, light, love, and joy ... and that our littlest pea get here quickly.
A few pictures for you ...
This is the most comforting and best picture of my Mom. Her face is simply happy, full of approval and joy. She was at the cabin over Christmas with her whole family, and you can see the love in her eyes.
We each have this hanging in a 16x20 in our homes now, just so that approving smile and loving feeling spreads in our hearts, homes, and lives.
Our greatest moment as a family. We were all so happy and so thrilled to be together.
Love you mommy, forever and ever and ever,
Baby Bird
Monday
Busy Bee's! Or Pea's! Busy Pea's!!
Well we have been some busy Pea's lately! The Christmas shopping with Chickie Crafts is officially underway, and we have been SO amazed by how many orders we have! And they are not just those that know about us, Chickie Crafts is taking on a life of its own and we love it!
So we are squirreling away every penny we can ... as you can see by that beautiful thermometer over there we are getting close!! Just a few thousand more to go and we will be ready for that little bambino!
Speaking of that little pea, we sure have been thinking a lot about him or her lately! Kristin is somewhat convinced we are thinking about Baby BOY Clark, Chad thinks Baby GIRL Clark! It is 50/50 either way ... =) Times are getting very exciting ... we are hoping and praying for a quick process and to have our little cutie pie home SOON!
So what do you think, boy or girl?!
So we are squirreling away every penny we can ... as you can see by that beautiful thermometer over there we are getting close!! Just a few thousand more to go and we will be ready for that little bambino!
Speaking of that little pea, we sure have been thinking a lot about him or her lately! Kristin is somewhat convinced we are thinking about Baby BOY Clark, Chad thinks Baby GIRL Clark! It is 50/50 either way ... =) Times are getting very exciting ... we are hoping and praying for a quick process and to have our little cutie pie home SOON!
So what do you think, boy or girl?!
Wednesday
Farting without the rainbows.
<Kristin talking here...>
My dear sweet bff Lisa has coined the funniest phrase ... "farting rainbows." When there is a situation that calls for one to fart a rainbow, I apparently do so well. For example, someone or something bad happens, and you create a usually fake but cheery response. Some people say that is lemonade out of lemons, we say it is "farting a rainbow!"
Sometimes, there are just farts. Forgive me for my crass language, it is just part of my reality right now. Right now, there is no rainbow in the farts happening right now, and I am just generally upset.
I hope that this rambling will draw someone closer to the reality of adoption, because as you can see by all the other posts here I have gotten really good a farting rainbows. I make things look clean, easy, and happy all the time ... and there are moments that I am just taken to tears. Infertility took me to those tears often, it reminds me of this post from my infertility blogging days. I titled that "Waves of Infertility." Today I could write a novel about the "Waves of Adoption."
Today was a wave. Not a monsoon, not a downpour, not a sprinkle, and not a shower. A wave. I am waiting to see how I ride it, if I get swallowed whole or if I crest ... it is an unknown right now. But I do know I will be writing that book. I have to.
My dear sweet bff Lisa has coined the funniest phrase ... "farting rainbows." When there is a situation that calls for one to fart a rainbow, I apparently do so well. For example, someone or something bad happens, and you create a usually fake but cheery response. Some people say that is lemonade out of lemons, we say it is "farting a rainbow!"
Sometimes, there are just farts. Forgive me for my crass language, it is just part of my reality right now. Right now, there is no rainbow in the farts happening right now, and I am just generally upset.
I hope that this rambling will draw someone closer to the reality of adoption, because as you can see by all the other posts here I have gotten really good a farting rainbows. I make things look clean, easy, and happy all the time ... and there are moments that I am just taken to tears. Infertility took me to those tears often, it reminds me of this post from my infertility blogging days. I titled that "Waves of Infertility." Today I could write a novel about the "Waves of Adoption."
Today was a wave. Not a monsoon, not a downpour, not a sprinkle, and not a shower. A wave. I am waiting to see how I ride it, if I get swallowed whole or if I crest ... it is an unknown right now. But I do know I will be writing that book. I have to.
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