I saw this quote on Pintrest and sketched it into my own journal as a deal with the pain of loss and the struggle of waiting. Ironic to be longing for my mom and to be a mom in the same breath.
Thursday
Sweet Success and Great Pain.
As you can see by our beautiful thermometer ... we have reached our goal! Through living on a tight budget, awesome friends and family responding to our fundraisers, and the grace of God we have the money we need. I remember about a year or so ago many people telling us "don't let the money scare you, it will come." It seemed so ridiculous at the time ... what do you mean it will COME?! Don't you know it doesn't grow on trees?! Well, now I can say to other people as well, "don't let the money scare you, it will come."
That was the sweet success.
Sadly, there has been little joy in this great accomplishment. Do not get me wrong, we are relieved ... but our lives have been destroyed. My beautiful, young, amazing, and unbelievably strong Mom passed away 8 weeks ago tomorrow. I cannot even believe I have to say that sentence or that this has happened. I have spent all of my life with a great fear of death and loosing someone despite my relationship with God, and here I and my family are faced with it head on.
To say this has destroyed me is a total understatement ... but to say it has forced me to be stronger than I ever imagined is, too. I am stronger, because I have her living inside me. I have her courage, her power, and her abilities radiating from me and I know this because believe me, they were not in me 8 weeks ago.
The Pea Pod is cracked, damaged, shaken, but not destroyed. She will not allow us to be. She is right there with God at this moment, knowing the past, the present and the future of this whole story. She is holding me tightly and will never ever leave me. My relationship with God is healing ... I feel the anger and hate (sorry to be so real) dissolving and the hope and strength rising.
Please pray with the whole Pea Pod Gang (Kristin, Chad, Greg, Sean, Kirsten, & Andrew) that we find peace, light, love, and joy ... and that our littlest pea get here quickly.
A few pictures for you ...
That was the sweet success.
Sadly, there has been little joy in this great accomplishment. Do not get me wrong, we are relieved ... but our lives have been destroyed. My beautiful, young, amazing, and unbelievably strong Mom passed away 8 weeks ago tomorrow. I cannot even believe I have to say that sentence or that this has happened. I have spent all of my life with a great fear of death and loosing someone despite my relationship with God, and here I and my family are faced with it head on.
To say this has destroyed me is a total understatement ... but to say it has forced me to be stronger than I ever imagined is, too. I am stronger, because I have her living inside me. I have her courage, her power, and her abilities radiating from me and I know this because believe me, they were not in me 8 weeks ago.
The Pea Pod is cracked, damaged, shaken, but not destroyed. She will not allow us to be. She is right there with God at this moment, knowing the past, the present and the future of this whole story. She is holding me tightly and will never ever leave me. My relationship with God is healing ... I feel the anger and hate (sorry to be so real) dissolving and the hope and strength rising.
Please pray with the whole Pea Pod Gang (Kristin, Chad, Greg, Sean, Kirsten, & Andrew) that we find peace, light, love, and joy ... and that our littlest pea get here quickly.
A few pictures for you ...
This is the most comforting and best picture of my Mom. Her face is simply happy, full of approval and joy. She was at the cabin over Christmas with her whole family, and you can see the love in her eyes.
We each have this hanging in a 16x20 in our homes now, just so that approving smile and loving feeling spreads in our hearts, homes, and lives.
Our greatest moment as a family. We were all so happy and so thrilled to be together.
Love you mommy, forever and ever and ever,
Baby Bird
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