While we wait,
Our hearts fill--
and our hearts break.
We have waited so long for you to come home,
There is relief in knowing
You cannot feel alone.
You are not here to feel this wait,
it is only our hearts that break.
Anticipation is a difficult walk
you are forced to be happy when your not
required to have hopeful talks
expected to be excited when you are simply sad
Riding the ups and downs of happy to mad.
But you, little one, are worth the wait
you are worth the tears, the smiles, and it all for Goodness sake!
You are going to come in on a breezy day
and change every little thing about our ways.
Until then, hold on for us to be near,
It cannot be long now, my dear.
Hear mommy and daddy when we say-
You are the reason we can get through these days.
Monday
This just about says it all right now ....
I saw this quote on Pintrest and sketched it into my own journal as a deal with the pain of loss and the struggle of waiting. Ironic to be longing for my mom and to be a mom in the same breath.
Thursday
Sweet Success and Great Pain.
As you can see by our beautiful thermometer ... we have reached our goal! Through living on a tight budget, awesome friends and family responding to our fundraisers, and the grace of God we have the money we need. I remember about a year or so ago many people telling us "don't let the money scare you, it will come." It seemed so ridiculous at the time ... what do you mean it will COME?! Don't you know it doesn't grow on trees?! Well, now I can say to other people as well, "don't let the money scare you, it will come."
That was the sweet success.
Sadly, there has been little joy in this great accomplishment. Do not get me wrong, we are relieved ... but our lives have been destroyed. My beautiful, young, amazing, and unbelievably strong Mom passed away 8 weeks ago tomorrow. I cannot even believe I have to say that sentence or that this has happened. I have spent all of my life with a great fear of death and loosing someone despite my relationship with God, and here I and my family are faced with it head on.
To say this has destroyed me is a total understatement ... but to say it has forced me to be stronger than I ever imagined is, too. I am stronger, because I have her living inside me. I have her courage, her power, and her abilities radiating from me and I know this because believe me, they were not in me 8 weeks ago.
The Pea Pod is cracked, damaged, shaken, but not destroyed. She will not allow us to be. She is right there with God at this moment, knowing the past, the present and the future of this whole story. She is holding me tightly and will never ever leave me. My relationship with God is healing ... I feel the anger and hate (sorry to be so real) dissolving and the hope and strength rising.
Please pray with the whole Pea Pod Gang (Kristin, Chad, Greg, Sean, Kirsten, & Andrew) that we find peace, light, love, and joy ... and that our littlest pea get here quickly.
A few pictures for you ...
That was the sweet success.
Sadly, there has been little joy in this great accomplishment. Do not get me wrong, we are relieved ... but our lives have been destroyed. My beautiful, young, amazing, and unbelievably strong Mom passed away 8 weeks ago tomorrow. I cannot even believe I have to say that sentence or that this has happened. I have spent all of my life with a great fear of death and loosing someone despite my relationship with God, and here I and my family are faced with it head on.
To say this has destroyed me is a total understatement ... but to say it has forced me to be stronger than I ever imagined is, too. I am stronger, because I have her living inside me. I have her courage, her power, and her abilities radiating from me and I know this because believe me, they were not in me 8 weeks ago.
The Pea Pod is cracked, damaged, shaken, but not destroyed. She will not allow us to be. She is right there with God at this moment, knowing the past, the present and the future of this whole story. She is holding me tightly and will never ever leave me. My relationship with God is healing ... I feel the anger and hate (sorry to be so real) dissolving and the hope and strength rising.
Please pray with the whole Pea Pod Gang (Kristin, Chad, Greg, Sean, Kirsten, & Andrew) that we find peace, light, love, and joy ... and that our littlest pea get here quickly.
A few pictures for you ...
This is the most comforting and best picture of my Mom. Her face is simply happy, full of approval and joy. She was at the cabin over Christmas with her whole family, and you can see the love in her eyes.
We each have this hanging in a 16x20 in our homes now, just so that approving smile and loving feeling spreads in our hearts, homes, and lives.
Our greatest moment as a family. We were all so happy and so thrilled to be together.
Love you mommy, forever and ever and ever,
Baby Bird
Monday
Busy Bee's! Or Pea's! Busy Pea's!!
Well we have been some busy Pea's lately! The Christmas shopping with Chickie Crafts is officially underway, and we have been SO amazed by how many orders we have! And they are not just those that know about us, Chickie Crafts is taking on a life of its own and we love it!
So we are squirreling away every penny we can ... as you can see by that beautiful thermometer over there we are getting close!! Just a few thousand more to go and we will be ready for that little bambino!
Speaking of that little pea, we sure have been thinking a lot about him or her lately! Kristin is somewhat convinced we are thinking about Baby BOY Clark, Chad thinks Baby GIRL Clark! It is 50/50 either way ... =) Times are getting very exciting ... we are hoping and praying for a quick process and to have our little cutie pie home SOON!
So what do you think, boy or girl?!
So we are squirreling away every penny we can ... as you can see by that beautiful thermometer over there we are getting close!! Just a few thousand more to go and we will be ready for that little bambino!
Speaking of that little pea, we sure have been thinking a lot about him or her lately! Kristin is somewhat convinced we are thinking about Baby BOY Clark, Chad thinks Baby GIRL Clark! It is 50/50 either way ... =) Times are getting very exciting ... we are hoping and praying for a quick process and to have our little cutie pie home SOON!
So what do you think, boy or girl?!
Wednesday
Farting without the rainbows.
<Kristin talking here...>
My dear sweet bff Lisa has coined the funniest phrase ... "farting rainbows." When there is a situation that calls for one to fart a rainbow, I apparently do so well. For example, someone or something bad happens, and you create a usually fake but cheery response. Some people say that is lemonade out of lemons, we say it is "farting a rainbow!"
Sometimes, there are just farts. Forgive me for my crass language, it is just part of my reality right now. Right now, there is no rainbow in the farts happening right now, and I am just generally upset.
I hope that this rambling will draw someone closer to the reality of adoption, because as you can see by all the other posts here I have gotten really good a farting rainbows. I make things look clean, easy, and happy all the time ... and there are moments that I am just taken to tears. Infertility took me to those tears often, it reminds me of this post from my infertility blogging days. I titled that "Waves of Infertility." Today I could write a novel about the "Waves of Adoption."
Today was a wave. Not a monsoon, not a downpour, not a sprinkle, and not a shower. A wave. I am waiting to see how I ride it, if I get swallowed whole or if I crest ... it is an unknown right now. But I do know I will be writing that book. I have to.
My dear sweet bff Lisa has coined the funniest phrase ... "farting rainbows." When there is a situation that calls for one to fart a rainbow, I apparently do so well. For example, someone or something bad happens, and you create a usually fake but cheery response. Some people say that is lemonade out of lemons, we say it is "farting a rainbow!"
Sometimes, there are just farts. Forgive me for my crass language, it is just part of my reality right now. Right now, there is no rainbow in the farts happening right now, and I am just generally upset.
I hope that this rambling will draw someone closer to the reality of adoption, because as you can see by all the other posts here I have gotten really good a farting rainbows. I make things look clean, easy, and happy all the time ... and there are moments that I am just taken to tears. Infertility took me to those tears often, it reminds me of this post from my infertility blogging days. I titled that "Waves of Infertility." Today I could write a novel about the "Waves of Adoption."
Today was a wave. Not a monsoon, not a downpour, not a sprinkle, and not a shower. A wave. I am waiting to see how I ride it, if I get swallowed whole or if I crest ... it is an unknown right now. But I do know I will be writing that book. I have to.
Thursday
Taking a breath!
Well, as you all know our fall fundraiser was stunning and amazing. Click here to see the amazing pictures ... we had a BLAST! We had a wonderful group of friends that hosted this amazing event and silent auction, and all in all raised almost $4,000 from this event!
Since then, we met with our agency and did our final set of interviews, and our case worker is working hard on our Home Study write up. We have finished our profile books, it is FABULOUS! They should arrive tomorrow!!
So from here, we meet with Nancy on Wednesday the 19th for our final meeting and to look over the Home Study, hand over our profiles, and wrap this side of the work up! Then, it is waiting, praying, hoping, dreaming, saving, saving, saving time!!!
We are so excited and ready for this step ... it is giant. In the past month our lives have been turned upside down with adoption ... one month ago today we were obsessively cleaning our house and freaking out about the study! Since then we have had a beautiful party, raised $4,000, done all the home study work, created a profile, and laughed. We have laughed a lot =)
I pray and hope that we can stay happy and excited about this after next week. When the projects stop, and the constant "something to do for the agency" slows down ... when it is just the two of us and the wait. Yes, we have PLENTY going on that will occupy that time, but it is still something we have to work toward. Staying positive and happy takes work ... but it is so worthwhile!!
Since then, we met with our agency and did our final set of interviews, and our case worker is working hard on our Home Study write up. We have finished our profile books, it is FABULOUS! They should arrive tomorrow!!
So from here, we meet with Nancy on Wednesday the 19th for our final meeting and to look over the Home Study, hand over our profiles, and wrap this side of the work up! Then, it is waiting, praying, hoping, dreaming, saving, saving, saving time!!!
We are so excited and ready for this step ... it is giant. In the past month our lives have been turned upside down with adoption ... one month ago today we were obsessively cleaning our house and freaking out about the study! Since then we have had a beautiful party, raised $4,000, done all the home study work, created a profile, and laughed. We have laughed a lot =)
I pray and hope that we can stay happy and excited about this after next week. When the projects stop, and the constant "something to do for the agency" slows down ... when it is just the two of us and the wait. Yes, we have PLENTY going on that will occupy that time, but it is still something we have to work toward. Staying positive and happy takes work ... but it is so worthwhile!!
Monday
Financial Update!
So the Garden Party was wonderful ... We had the best time in the world. Thank you all so so much for donating, participating, supporting, praying ... it was all we hoped it would be!
So you look over there to the right (--->) and you see that we just broke the $10k mark of fundraising! WAHOOO!! But wait, didn't that total say $22,500 yesterday? Not $18,000? Why yes, yes it did.
We had our first homestudy visit on the 14th of September, and it went smashingly well. Aside from adoring our caseworker and having a wonderful time talking on the couch for what felt like hours, we got a wonderful surprise. If our adoption is done within one year of our homestudy being finalized, our total fees will be $18k!!! The fees with our agency are on a sliding scale based on your last 3 years of tax returns, and 3 years ago I worked for the board of education so my salary was quite a bit lower. So we have 12 months from the end of the study, and at that moment our final payment will be $11,500 when we receive our little Pea!
So we are now around $7,000 away from all of our fees being raised. We are so thrilled and in awe of the love we have experienced and the ability to save save save on our own! It has only been 9 months (ironic!) since we started the adoption fund, and we are well over half way there! We are actually 65.53% there =)
So, now we go into a world of slowing down, no big events, no insane deadlines ... just living a nice quiet fall season with all the other aspects of our cooky life =) Preparing for Christmas Cards is our next big fundraiser, can you BELIEVE that?!?!!?
For pictures of the event, take a look here!
So you look over there to the right (--->) and you see that we just broke the $10k mark of fundraising! WAHOOO!! But wait, didn't that total say $22,500 yesterday? Not $18,000? Why yes, yes it did.
We had our first homestudy visit on the 14th of September, and it went smashingly well. Aside from adoring our caseworker and having a wonderful time talking on the couch for what felt like hours, we got a wonderful surprise. If our adoption is done within one year of our homestudy being finalized, our total fees will be $18k!!! The fees with our agency are on a sliding scale based on your last 3 years of tax returns, and 3 years ago I worked for the board of education so my salary was quite a bit lower. So we have 12 months from the end of the study, and at that moment our final payment will be $11,500 when we receive our little Pea!
So we are now around $7,000 away from all of our fees being raised. We are so thrilled and in awe of the love we have experienced and the ability to save save save on our own! It has only been 9 months (ironic!) since we started the adoption fund, and we are well over half way there! We are actually 65.53% there =)
So, now we go into a world of slowing down, no big events, no insane deadlines ... just living a nice quiet fall season with all the other aspects of our cooky life =) Preparing for Christmas Cards is our next big fundraiser, can you BELIEVE that?!?!!?
For pictures of the event, take a look here!
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